We had a family event today, a ladies only family event. I had been looking forward to it all week. It has been a long time since I was at any type of event like this totally free of kids. I usually end up taking the youngest or the one who is crying the most when I leave for me to stay home. Well today Princess was napping and Monkey and Teddy both cried when I left, but I knew they wouldn’t have fun going with me. What is the fun being the only kid in the room, no toys, no fun and just sitting there watching ladies talk.
Anyway I attened the event sans mes infants and with my MIL and both SILs. It was an event for their side of the family. So the upset started when somebody asked the hostess of the event how she knew me because apparently I looked familiar to her. As an aside, I don’t forget faces, I had never seen this woman before in my life…but that is neither here nor there really. So before anyone has a chance to say anything my SIL pipes up and says “oh she is our brother’s baby mama”. Ok now let’s have the whole room swing their attention over to me. I felt about 3 inches small. I don’t know why, even when I came home and told my husband he said “did you say no, I am his wife” Which I was actually too stunned to say.
As an aside to a smaller group of people she then said “well I guess if you are married you can’t be called that, but we all know how things went down” Whatever, again I should have defended myself, or at least spoken up for myself, but I didn’t. So this behaviour continued. Through out the entire event at any chance she was give it would be yep that is my brother’s baby mama. I just felt as though she was continually trying to insult me.
At one point our gracious host tried to put an end to what was becoming my SILs rather loud and obnoxious over repeating of a not so funny, but highly insulting joke. When my SIL said to her “By the end of the afternoon I will have everybody knowing her as my brother’s baby mama”, the hostess was nice enough to say “And I have been making sure everybody knows her as a mom of 3 kids under 5 who are all really good kids”. It didn’t work, but it was sweet of her to try and make SIL feel like the classless ass that she was behaving as.
So as I sat there, feeling totally uncomfortable and planning how when I saw my husband the first words out of my mouth would be to tell him how little class his siter has. I sat there, took the abuse and said nothing. I sat there feeling about 2 inches tall and totally insulted. I sat there feeling like she was constantly trying to insult me to people and did nothing. So was it my actions of taking this insulting crap from her that give her the impression that she can treat me however she wants? I constantly try and avoid fights with my in laws, I don’t speak up for myself and I take a hell of a lot of crap from them, so have I shown them that treating poorly is ok? These hurtful mean words, trying to make strangers think less of me or put a wrong image about me into peoples heads, is this how my in laws feel about me? Do they think it is ok to make a public joke of their brother’s wife in front of strangers? In all this though I question myself most, why did I let her make me feel so horrible and try to publicly make a fool of me and not say anything? I try and tell myself it is because she was actually making a public ass of herself, but I think it just shows that clearly where my in laws are concerned on both their parts and mine I have become nothing but a doormat.
Mamas Notes 